Peace, Harmony and Strength

In honor of the coming lunar New Year in February, the Year of the Sheep promises to be good, quietly spectacular. Sheep are gentle, kind and sympathetic. The symbol of the green, wooden sheep is one of harmony, creativity and elegance. I celebrate the Chinese New Year, having been born in Asia, of parents who lived in China. A rabbit in the Chinese Zodiac, I have the good fortune of longevity on my side.

     In spite of the wisdom of age, however, bad habits return to haunt me. One of the most insidious is living the expectations of others; it defeats in subtle ways. Friends and family members, offer heaps of advice. I'll get mine, thank you, from my New Year fortune cookie. Otherwise, I'll do my own thinking.

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak. Thomas Carlyle

Slippery Slope 1 - Becoming Dependent

     My daughter recently recommended I take a baseline test of cognitive function. The first time she suggested this, I balked. The second time I remained silent, as did my physician. (I have an eidetic memory. Never easy going, I have been described as temperamental. Fair enough, but I have not slipped my tether to reality.) The same child also said, "We need to have a serious talk, and you may not like what we say." This, in honor of planning for my old age and the end of my life. I simply replied, "You may be uncomfortable, but I will not. The choices are mine to make." We are not our children's children, unless we allow ourselves to become too reliant upon them. There are increasingly more and better options for aging in place, and I intend to utilize them, as needed.

Slippery Slope Number 2 - Accepting Limitation

     People who should know better offer us limitations on what we can achieve. What is on your list for 2015? My list includes:

• Continuing Weight Loss
• Opening a Revenue Stream 
• Following Anti-Inflammatory Diet
• Improved Physical Fitness

     I hope to gain more energy, expand my social and volunteer lives ... all without breaking the bank. I know what you're thinking, "Good luck, lady, you are going to need it!" My mother would put it in terms of whether the dragons were with her. She had studied Mandarin and Chinese mythology in China. She was a living example of the singularly Chinese values of frugal living and hard work. At home she always had a basket of handwork to do, knitting, crochet, mending, embroidery. Rather than gossip, she created. If anything Mother was an overachiever. Who was I to question her belief?

Slippery Slope Number 3 - Relinquishing Power

     Here is a brief synopsis concerning Chinese dragons. Dragons are celestial and terrestrial spirit guides, if you will. They are the source of great wisdom and power. Did you, perhaps, watch the film, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, and wonder about the title? The hidden dragon is the Sixth Dragon. In Taoism, the Sixth Dragon holds the final key to health and wellbeing. It is meditation, development of the Sixth Sense.

Regardless of culture or spiritual belief, we all have personal power, including the power to create myth.  Speak your peace this year!

Fairness In LIHTC Elusive

No Mistake ... No Voice for Tenants

The holidays and their aftermath fading memories, my plan is to retire the blog, and focus on publishing a professional newsletter. I admit the speed of my momentum in 2015, has been disappointingly slow, so here's a post, maybe the last post, in "A Grateful Age." I am grateful, truly grateful for so much. I don't have it easier than most elder Americans. On the contrary. I can work from home, if I choose. I have a wonderful, loving family, caring friends and the companionship of a wonderful animal. I don't suffer, nor do I work with the suffering elderly, as do people I know.

     Colorado Gerontological Society volunteers and staff daily deal with the forgotten elderly ... impoverished, abandoned and in poor health. The most President Obama seems able to do is continue to decline to link Social Security Cost of Living Adjustments to the chained Cost of Living Index. From the get go, however, President Obama has shown himself willing to significantly help any population of Americans over elder Americans.

     Among the many things for which I am grateful is my apartment and my ability to stay in it. It is a tax credit set-aside, or LIHTC. It is also a modern high-rise building in an attractive development, populated (thank you, God) by people, most of whom work. What we have in common is our need for affordability in our housing. Tax credit housing sounded like a dream come true for so many of us. I treasure my space, privacy and the ability to continue living independently. I'm delighted not to live elbows-to-tits with exclusively elderly neighbors.

     All that said I should be grateful for a chance to show off the apartment to the building investors ... right? Nuh uh. I received the notice of a coming visit and tour by bank officials. This occurs annually and is the second of our annual housing inspections, one required by my lease. I declined to welcome the bank inspectors. I am a private person; my apartment is where I work, and it is my refuge. None of these Kahunas of banking would invite me to his or her home to have a look see.  I did put qualifiers on my refusal to comply, saying I might be more inclined, were the landlord and management company (one and the same) not mediocre and were this not a segregated development, one side for the younger, whiter, prosperous kiddos, the other, for ethnic minorities, the disabled and elderly. I have not received a reply. None is required, as I know the management wants to avoid my venting to the bankers.

Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards. -Eric Holder

    Tax credit housing throughout the country has been criticized for its role in furthering segregation, not just according to income level, which is bad enough, but, by ethnicity. At conception tax credit housing was put in the regulatory hands of the I.R.S. and the Department of Justice. Financing is multi-layered. For residents of the housing this translates to no voice or representation, in the face of violations of The Fair Housing Act. HUD is dismally poor at enforcement and public housing authorities do not soil their hands with meaningful advocacy. Sure, a PHA will send someone to show tenants how to form a resident council, but, a resident council without power, backing and a voice is as effectual as a bridge club for resolving housing issues.

   

Okay that's it for the rant. Baby, it's cold outside in Denver today. My dog, Lolo, likes "Alaska State Troopers" on Justice Television, plus it's almost tea time. You bet I'm grateful! 

Letters From The Heart

Letter writing is becoming a lost art, one worth reviving. It is a soothing process and a way to soothe hurt. We've talked about reconciliation recently, and I would be the first to acknowledge how daunting it is to reconcile with people, face to face. Sometimes the words just won't come in conversation. The timing is not right. There is little privacy to say what needs to be said. The words will not come, or they come in a rush, all jumbled or not just right. " Stand up straight," Mother would say. Speak clearly, no stammering, no muttering, no hesitation!" It's a tall order, especially in an emotionally charged situation.

There is tremendous healing power in letter writing, both for the writer and for the reader.  For the reader, much like a cherished book, a heartwarming letter or card can be a treasure, kept and reread. Have you encountered someone in your life, who, minus, face-to-face inhibition, writes vicious, anonymous notes or letters? It is abuse of a powerful medium; a medium never to underestimate. Personally I do not have a good e-mail persona. My e-mails come across as clipped and too strongly worded. Texts really don't get it, either. In fact texting is becoming increasingly less popular, according to recent statistical studies.

If, like me, you are better off thinking and organizing your thoughts, before speaking, letter writing may be the best way to speak from the heart. Finding or creating just the right card can add creativity to the process. Imagery brings personality to an ordinary letter. The wording does not have to be fancy, nor does the handwriting. I once asked a friend what to write to my former voice teacher, who had been a wonderful influence in my life. My friend suggested three words, I love you.

The words, I am sorry, work well, too. Reconciling family differences can be more difficult than negotiating a treaty with a foreign government. Here are a few rules to consider. First take accountability for your part in a problem or impasse. Don't rehash how hurt or angry you were, or how wrongly you were treated.  Understand that some situations call for more than diplomacy. Some situations call for "a hero," in the words of Dr. Phil. To me, that is someone who does not focus on being right or wrong. Rather it is the person who can see past "sides," who can apologize or acknowledge the hurt and anger of another person or other people. Pen in hand, offer peace, not blame; no-one will be the worse for it.

If you wonder what you can possibly contribute to love and healing in a larger context, write to a perfect stranger. A young New Yorker, Hanna Brencher started an International movement, based on writing "love letters." The back story of how Hanna started the movement is on her website. Living alone in the City, a new college graduate, she found herself isolated and depressed.
https://moreloveletters.squarespace.com

...eventually (my) thoughts morphed into letters and I found myself myself ripping the letters out and leaving them all over New York City for people to find. I left them everywhere: Coffee shops. Libraries. Coat pockets in department stores. I liked to imagine who might find those letters.

Somehow that idea took on a life of its own after I blogged about it. My inbox was filled with the most heartbreaking stories I’ve ever encountered after I published a simple question on my blog: Do you need someone to write you a love letter today? Just ask. -Hanna Brencher

Become a letter writer. It requires slowing down a little, putting a bit more creativity and care into communicating. Become one of Hanna's letter writers. Either or both, will do your heart good.

Global, Permanent War?

On approaching the Big 75, I cannot say it is something I achieved. It happens. Because I have lived my life as a citizen of the United States, I know how fortunate I have been. I am lucky never to have been detained, questioned, arrested or tried anywhere outside of this country. Growing up as a U.S. career military officer's daughter, I was a privileged child. Granted, family life in the military is never simple, nor free from pitfalls. All else aside, even in harm's way, I was part of a peculiarly consistent, if regimented, life.

I was raised to be absolutely loyal to my Country, have always been proud of my Country. Once Russia launched Sputnik; the National Defense Education Act was signed into law. A Foreign Language major, I was eligible to compete for educational funding through the Act. Once again my country gave me an invaluable gift.  In what seemed months, rather than years, however, I was teaching high school students, who went off to war. The death toll prompted me to join in the protest movement early. The televised horrors of war crept into our homes and lives relentlessly. In our minds it was a vile, dirty, business. A family of  right wing Texans, moved in next door, the family cadillac, plastered with American flags and stickers. Put off by the flag-waving neighbors, I had only begun to recognize the implications of turning a blind eye to injustice at home and abroad.

Today I watched in renewed horror, as we played  a documentary film, "Dirty Wars." I am a year late in viewing the film, and in reading the book by Jeremy Scahill, which preceded the documentary. Both are extremely revealing,  even if you believe you have been reasonably well informed. First images of a Yemeni family and friends, slaughtered, right down to pregnant women and infants, assault the senses. Next is the realization that we are not at war with Yemen. We massacred 46 civilian family and friends for gathering to celebrate a wedding. If all this were not enough, we see a Yemeni journalist detained upon the direct orders of President Obama. (This, rather than permit him to disclose the details of the botched operation in his country.) It gets worse.

http://dirtywars.org/the-film

Something horrifying has emerged in the US permanent war: death and assassinations for which there is no due process nor accountability, and all too often no "within the margin of error" justification except that the government and military are able to get away with their actions. There are no public checks and balances. Whistleblowers are prosecuted and jailed at a faster rate under the Obama administrations than under the George W. Bush administrations. ~Mark Karlin, "Truthout"

What have we been telling ourselves to justify unbridled presidential powers and the emergence of JSOC, the Joint Special Operations Command? The implications of JSOC's powers and its actions, combined with those of President Obama and the CIA, are staggering. The War on Terror is global and ongoing. The U. S. is engaging in covert operations whenever and wherever. Whether you believe it or not, we have entered an era of zero accountability to the People of the United States, and it is not merely driven by the ownership of the government by the wealthy. 

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/mar/31/dirty-wars-terrorism-victims

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Siblings!

Long ago I read "The Five Wishes" booklet, cover to cover. I'd read the critics' remarks, but not the booklet. For anyone who does not know, it is a booklet intended to provide a living will for people who would like to use it, and who live in one of forty-two states in the U.S. that accept it as a legal instrument. For many people, it is a helpful guide, particularly, for end-of-life issues. One of the questions it touches upon is forgiveness, but I don't believe the author(s) were addressing forgiveness in the context of religion. Rather it was in the context of reconciliation. You be the judge:

http://www.fivewishes.org. 

It seems to me there is generally a spiritual component to death, even sudden death, and dying. Regardless ... there are choices to be made.

Reconciliation with family members (and of family members) brings peace to many people facing death. For the living forgiveness is an everyday challenge, one we handle with varying degrees of success. Let's be clear. We are daily confronted with evil, with acts we do not consider worthy of forgiveness. What is your personal threshold for forgiving? Is it divorced from condemning certain behaviors, from forgetting?

Knowing can be a curse on a person's life. I'd traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn't know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can't ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.  -Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees 


Withholding forgiveness can also be a curse on a person's life; it so often goes hand in hand with selective memory. As a parent my adult children's grudge matches overwhelm me with sorrow and a sense of helplessness. One thing I know, however, just as self-care comes before caregiving, forgiving oneself is key to forgiving another. 

With no siblings, living the military life, I knew how to adapt to nearly any environment, as well as how to handle bullies. One thing about moving constantly; it obviates the need to forgive classmates, friends or mean neighbor kids. For me, that left family, to provide role models. That was not to happen. Family did not speak to family. In speaking of other family members, there was plenty of judgment, but people tended not to reconcile.  If Christ's admonition of forgiving one's brother seven times seven hundred, does not speak to us, we can, at least, heal ourselves. "I forgive myself, not to say I am unaware of my faults, nor of misjudgments and consequent errors. Nor must I forget what I have learned from others."

Clinically depressed, I began mindful meditation in mid-life, as a single parent. Nothing else had helped, including crisis intervention and three years of psychoanalysis. Part of my meditation practice was to forgive, starting with myself. It proved to be a game changer, albeit subtle and gradual. I had been estranged from my mother for several years, when she died of a massive stroke. I had married two dysfunctional men, staying in the second marriage overlong. In the same timeframe I relinquished my profession. To say I was "on the ropes," would have been to understate. Part of my journey has been rebuilding, again and again, from ashes.

We have, in the life of Nelson Mandela, a model for forgiveness and reconciliation. His autobiography, Long Walk To Freedom, is a journey worth taking. It speaks to evil and to forgiving what seems unforgivable. Now, when I err, the first question is what to take away, along with whom and what to leave behind. Meanwhile I work on forgiving constantly; it is not a sometime practice.

U Is For Underestimated

A little Medication With That?

"Underestimated, under-identified, under-diagnosed and under-treated" are the terms the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) has used to describe the substance abuse epidemic among older Americans. An estimated 4 out of 5 elders currently being treated for the abuse of prescription drugs have been identified as alcohol dependent. The same agency estimates nearly half the residents of nursing homes are alcoholics. Of these, four in five abuse other substances. The agency projects opioid abuse will double to 3.5 million by 2020. As they reach retirement age, Baby Boomers are expected to represent a tsunami of substance abusers, due in part, to more permissive attitudes toward substance use.   

     "Overprescribed," by the way, was not among the terms NCADD used, nor did the Centers For Medicare And Medicaid Services (CMS.) The agency refers to prescription drug "over-utilization," and has proposed new protocols: "to protect Medicare beneficiaries and the Medicare Trust fund from the harm and damaging effects associated with prescription drug abuse." I would go much farther, and say, "use." 

What fascinates me about addiction and obsessive behavior is that people would choose an altered state of consciousness that's toxic and ostensibly destroys most aspects of your normal life, because for a brief moment you feel okay. -Moby

     In any case CMS wants Part D beneficiaries with "potential opioid or acetaminophen overuse, identified (presumably by medical providers.) Next would be to implement "appropriate controls" on these drugs for identified beneficiaries." -This seems to me punishing patients for using medications their physicians are eager to prescribe. It utterly circumvents the question of responsibility in marketing pharmaceuticals, both to medical professionals and the public. 
     The agency says it will employ data analysis to identify prescribers and pharmacies that may be engaged in fraudulent or abusive activities. Hmmmm, this would be a monumental task, considering how widespread the exploitive tactics are. CMS wants to use its data to guide its anti-fraud efforts, share results with Part D plan sponsors, law enforcement agencies, pharmacy and physician licensing boards, alluding to joint efforts to combat fraud and abuse.A key provision of the proposed rules would require Part D prescribers to enroll in Medicare. CMS believes this will ensure Part D drugs are prescribed only by qualified individuals ... fine, in theory. Additionally CMS seeks authority to revoke a physician's or eligible professional's Medicare enrollment if:

• The agency determines he or she has a pattern of prescribing Part D drugs that is abusive (i.e., it represents a threat to the health and safety of Medicare beneficiaries or otherwise fails to meet Medicare requirements.) 
• The DEA has revoked or suspended a physician's DEA Certificate of Registration.
• The licensing or administrative body for any state has curtailed a physician's or professional practice's ability to prescribe drugs.

Yet another proposed rule would provide CMS, its antifraud contractors, and other oversight agencies the ability to request and collect information directly from pharmacy benefit managers, pharmacies, and other downstream entities that contract or subcontract with Part D sponsors to administer the Medicare prescription drug benefit. The provision is designed to improve the investigative process, according to CMS.
Approximately a year ago CMS implemented the OMS (Overutilization Monitoring System) to combat Part D fraud and abuse. The agency reports a substantial reduction in the number of acetaminophen and opioid overutilizers in Medicare Part D."  We're waiting, but breathing all the while, for outcomes. Patient-oriented solutions ... that's another topic altogether. 

There is some hope that less expensive rehabilitation is becoming available. A drug in the form of a patch shows promise -- it is a Naltrexone patch. Naltrexone is already in use to treat alcohol addiction. In pill or injectable form, and under a number of brand names, it acts to prevent recidivism. It is also, interestingly, an opiate receptor antagonist, in other words, an individual who uses opiates will not become euphoric. It helps people addicted to opiates rapidly detoxify.

Be mindful my friend, of accountability, as it relates to choice. Preventing a problem is so much better than solving a problem through the backdoor.

Dances With Dogs

Cookie

      We have a family acquaintance, who has two Old English Mastiffs, a male and a female. Not to worry. The lady has the land and the financial means to support and protect her animals. Someday she would like to breed the pair. All good. Here is what I want to say to her. To breed mastiffs any sane owner would retire from his/her career. The government will not give FMLA leave, which would be the only other alternative. Next, once your female has produced a litter or two of fine puppies, have her spayed. Have your female spayed with as little delay as humanly possible.  
     Please pay attention to my story, because it is a cautionary tale. Not all of us have pedigreed dogs. I have a creeping feeling those who have dogs free of inbreeding, are the more fortunate among us. Your mutt is probably rocket scientist material, by comparison to many purebreds. My gorgeous, pedigreed, Irish setter, Mike, was a good example. Outside of field work, where his intelligence was nothing short of phenomenal, he was sweet, but goofy. When I lost Mike, my entire world collapsed. I wanted nothing to do with dogs for decades, outside of rescuing a young Labrador from a downtown planter box. I could not keep him, but he eventually went to an excellent home.
     More decades passed without pets in my life. Eventually, though, I bought a tiny puppy. The breeder, my neighbor, was in the end stage of HIV/AIDS. Unprepared though I was, my little foundling  taught me all I needed to know about terriers. I named her Cookie, after my temperamental Irish mother. I adored my little dog, but found that part of the territory was genetic defect, in Cookie's case,  a collapsing trachea. Nor had she been spayed, when I bought her, because she was a show quality bitch. 
     Spay surgery seemed a poor choice, given Cookie's choking episodes. I was worried, however, about disease. We went from one vet to another. A particular doctor seemed an excellent choice. She specialized in toy breeds, and owned a Yorkshire terrier female.  In her opinion Pyometra would be something worrisome, as would breast cancer. However, she  feels  Pyometra is an uncommon canine killer. She is not alone in that assessment. Also called Stump Pyometra, even veterinary colleges don't seem to agree about how common it is. So the good lady advised me to simply be a responsible owner (i.e., to breed only by intention.) No problem -- my silky did not like other dogs, particularly males. She did not care for strangers or their children, unless they had really good manners. She was not above teaching people how to behave. My question was how one would manage to breed silky terriers, intentionally or otherwise!
     At 13 years, Cookie was a fierce beauty and in glowing health. What an engaging little creature, smart and sassy! A famous lady in her own right, people everywhere in Denver recognized her, many of whom could not recall my name! Not long after the photo above was taken, I came home from a meeting, to find Cookie quite ill. It was not alarming, but she was having a digestive issue, and seemed uneasy. It was late, so I waited for morning to call the veterinarian's office. Dr. Smith was unavailable. I began to panic, ultimately reaching a vet who would make a house call. By the time he arrived, tiny Cookie was overwhelmed by infection, due to Pyometra. Her organs were shutting down. 
     Dr. Larry Magnuson had to euthanize Cookie, a tranquil, if untimely, death. I have never recovered ... not really. Dr. Manuson made a memorial contribution in Cookie's name to Pyometra research. I've made donations to rescues in her name. Meanwhile everything I have read on the subject of spaying and Pyometra contradicts what my "favorite" veterinarian told me. It is not so uncommon, as a bitch ages. Nor does it matter whether she has or has not produced litters. Don't take the chance. This is a painful, overwhelming disease. It does not matter the breed or size of the bitch. Do not delay. Spay your animal, because, if she dies of this condition, you will be heartbroken.
      Spaying and neutering are absolutely necessary for the health of pets. That said, I encounter so many owners who don't take care of this. I find myself wanting to say, "Come on, you know you aren't going to show or breed this animal!" I stay silent most of the time, because it is not my decision ... none of my business. 
     If you do not have the stomach for having the surgery (albeit routine and very safe) performed, adopt. Adopt anyway! Never think you cannot adopt a pedigreed companion, if that is what you desire. I helped a friend find an apricot poodle from an online source. She insisted it was the only breed she had ever owned, or wanted to own. She is ecstatic, and the poodle, thriving. A huge bonus of adoption is that the pet will have been ( or will be ) neutered or spayed, as a condition of ownership. Buying a dog, from a breeder you don't know personally, is not a good idea, but buying from a store is a horrible idea. As a consumer, a prospective pet owner, you play a vital role in preventing animal cruelty. 

-Me? I'm still dancing with terriers. My dog is a toy fox terrier, surprisingly calm and generous by nature.