The Message of Christmas 1949

Whatever else happened in North America's towns and cities, Winter 1949 brought extreme hardship at home and abroad. I'll relate two stories here, one less well known than it's international backdrop. During the Winter of 1949, the United States was engaged in the second year of the Berlin Airlift. We often hear the words humanitarian crisis applied to incalculable human suffering. The Soviet Union's Berlin Blockade precipitated such a crisis.
     The back story of the Berlin Airlift is of power hungry governments engaging in political hostage-taking. Does this sound familiar? The difference between now and then is striking; 1949 has been called "America's Shining Hour." The Berlin Airlift stands out as a Christmas message of reconciliation and hope. More of the story of the allied effort and the story of The Candy Bombers may be found via the following links:

http://www.thecandybombers.com
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/airlift/

     One Christmas a decade ago in Denver seemed particularly bleak to me. Living in the worst imaginable Section VIII housing, I passed the door of a friend and neighbor, Verdell Youngdog. Verdell was a Lakota Sioux, whose father managed a cattle ranch on or near the Pine Ridge Reservation. As I walked by, I saw Verdell had posted a handwritten Christmas story on his door. I'll do my best to retell the story of the Youngdog family and the Blizzard of '49.
     The family awakened early one morning to find their home buried to the roof in snow. Verdell and his brothers dressed in the freezing cabin, to help their father dig a pathway to the barn. Later, over hot coffee and biscuits, the boys talked excitedly about the coming community holiday potlach. Their father worried aloud how to reach his bovine charges. 
     Over days of extreme snow and cold, cattle froze to the ground, unable to get to food or water. Food for Pine Ridge families dwindled; Verdell's mother made do with dried beans, salt pork, coffee and the makings for biscuits. Water sources were buried in snow and partially frozen. Medical supplies were non-existent, candy or gifts for children, a distant dream.
     Christmas had come and gone. In spite of heroic efforts by ranchers and hands, cattle were dying in the thousands. One dawn, Verdell awakened to an unfamiliar sound. He had no time to investigate. The noise continued off and on, while the boys dressed, did chores and ate. Curious, Verdell and his elder brother kept searching the clouds. What they finally saw stunned the two boys! Airplanes were flying overhead, dropping parachutes with hay bales, and all manner of supplies for animals and people.
     The pilots who flew over Pine Ridge started by working day and night, during their holidays, to supply residents in the worst disaster areas. The manpower, planes and supplies required resources already committed to the allied effort in Germany. In the "can do" spirit of a generation, more fortunate families provided, and pilots delivered, relief and so much more. 
     Once the supplies were distributed, the Youngdog family postholed many miles through the snow with their share of the supplies, joining neighbors, to celebrate belated holidays. They decorated a tree with hand-made ornaments, sang, told stories, and shared a warming meal in the community center. There were giveaways and, best of all, candy for all the kids!

You have to look deeper, way below the anger, the hurt, the hate, the jealousy, the self-pity, way down deeper where the dreams lie, son. Find your dream. It's the pursuit of the dream that heals you.
-Billy Mills, Oglala Lakota

     My footnote to Verdell's Christmas story is this. The Youngdog family, never recouped the losses of Winter and Spring 1949. Verdell's parents died young, and the children scattered, some coming to Boulder. Verdell, whose grandmother, Jennie Youngdog, survived the massacre at Wounded Knee, accepted everyone, regardless of color. I never heard a sorrowful, bitter or hateful word come from the man. Verdell and his sister pay it forward, even now. Verdell, who carries the honorary title of Uncle among the Lakota, makes an annual trip to carry supplies to native people along the Trail of Tears.

It seems to me, if we want America to be truly the land of the brave and the free, we must begin with tolerance, sharing and justice. It is my Christmas dream and my prayer.

A Giving Heart

Christmas is coming and the goose, who has been tasting all the baked goods, is getting fat. So here's a little guide to holiday giving 2013 ... for the rest of us. Here's a nightmare scenario. The USPS advises many packaged gifts are arriving infested with bedbugs. If you're sending stuff all over the country, like the fruitcake you're re-gifting, maybe, rethink. It's getting a little late anyway. A package or envelope with a lovely, VISA gift card is hypoallergenic and a welcome sight. Frankly I don't find it rude to express a preference for a gift card, nor do I get ruffled feathers, if someone requests one. There are many ways to personalize what you may feel is an "impersonal" choice. Anyway, it isn't about you.

Christmas... is not an external event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart. 

For those concerned with the etiquette of giving and receiving gifts, here is a favorite set of tips: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/relationships/etiquette-manners/gift-giving-etiquette 

Here is another, more comprehensive, set of suggestions that also address gracious receiving. This is the time of year, remember, when it is often more blessed to receive (gracefully) than to give. A warm smile and a brief thank you note always suffices. Try to keep your grateful game face on, while unwrapping the world's oddest necklace, made from old buttons, the pomander ball for your closet, the millionth muffler in colors that do not occur in nature. Lighten up, the Arc donation site is just down the street.
http://www.designsponge.com/2013/12/modern-etiquette-gift-the-right-gift.html

Keep in mind, a gift is from the heart. A gift is a gift, not a requirement. An act of kindness can do a world of good. This promises to be a difficult year for many of us, but money need not be an issue. One year I gave certificates to people for services I'd gladly perform, ranging from an evening of caregiving, to high tea made and served by me. How about offering a child an afternoon of crafting or cooking. Many libraries and museums offer discounted or free admissions, perfect for outings with kids in the new year. A certificate can be plain or very fancy, as can the packaging, so turn the creative juice loose!

If you have a sweet tooth and/or you'd like to give someone a sweet treat, here is a recipe for sugar plums. They are delicious and ridiculously easy to make. These keep in the refrigerator for a month. For speed demons, chopping can be done, using a food processor. (Be careful to pulse lightly, scrape, and repeat, chop, but don't overdo it.)
Use:

3 oz (1/2 cup) dried apricots, coarsely chopped
3 oz (1/2 cup) toasted pecans, coarsely chopped
1 oz (1/4 cup) dried cherries
1 oz (1/4 cup) prunes or dates, finely chopped
1 oz (1/4 cup) toasted almonds, finely chopped
2 tbsp cherry preserves
1/2 tsp cinnamon or other sweet spice
1/8 tsp cloves
1/2 cup granulated sugar

Combine finely chopped fruits and nuts together, mixing thoroughly. Add cinnamon and cloves to the jam and mix into the fruit and nut combination by hand; kids love to get their hands into the jam, fruit and nuts. The mixture will form walnut-sized balls, once it is thoroughly mixed. Roll in granulated sugar, and place in paper candy cups, or store layered with waxed paper; cover tightly. It is fine to reduce the jam and add a tablespoon of good brandy or cognac. Vary the spices, if you like (allspice, cardamom, coriander, nutmeg ... all work.)

Sweet dreams and visions of sugar plums to all!

One World of Children

Eager Students

This is the season for giving, and the last opportunity many people will have to top off their charitable giving for the year. There are so many charities, from which to choose. Our local Public Radio Station sent out a plea, this morning, to support "local resources." This is a plea for a charity in a far-flung place, Uganda. The charity supports widows and orphans, who are among the world's poorest, most vulnerable, citizens. The organization is Samaritan Development Organization, whose initials are SADO. It is established and licensed by the government of Uganda as a non-governmental organization, and has a proven track record in devoting all the funds it receives to the population it serves. The word Samaritan says it all. To care for those in distress is simply the right thing to do.

Why children in a place so remote? These are the children of the world, one world. They are the hope of their country, the future of Uganda. As they are the future of Uganda, they are the future of Africa. As the future of their country goes, so goes the future of our world. People like to say, "You are family." To me, these children are family, as is the young man who founded SADO, Freddie Nyanzi. Freddie, a family man himself, has has devoted his time, strength and substance to help boys and girls who have nobody.

History will judge us by the difference we make in the everyday lives of children. -Nelson Mandela

One eye-opener came in a conversation with Freddie. He said he was on his way to visit a children's prison, to counsel and help there. If need is a perception, my perception of need among Uganda's children changed dramatically in that moment. An orphanage without bedding or nets for little boys and girls is enough to hit me in the heart, but a children's prison?

Please help with a financial contribution.  I vouch for SADO, which has proven its effectiveness in housing, feeding educating and counseling Uganda's orphans. Currently SADO is trying to fund a Christmas party for the orphanage. Even a small donation of money will help now, or in the future.

Here is an excerpt from SADO's Mission Statement: To further educational development ,agriculture and animal projects in the most impoverished areas where many children and youth lack access to affordable ,quality education and basic needs such as clothes, food, medication etc .

To contact SADO by post:  Post Office Box 31234, Kampala, Uganda
Phone: +256 752 487724 / +256 752 983495 / +256 312 515107

Here is the link to SADO's PAYPAL Account:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=GLH38JZ3B7BWQ 

Here is how to find the Samaritan Development Organization Website: http: //www.sadouganda.com
E-Mail: info@sadouganda.com. In addition SADO has a Facebook Fan Page, rich with photographs and video clips of the children and their progress. It is listed on Facebook by its initials and name.

Christmas 2012

Me and The Grinch

Whew! Thanksgiving 2013 is finished, picked as clean as the turkey carcass after the soup. We may have limped toward it, but two of my children, a grandson, and I, had a glorious dinner together. My children worked way too hard, but we have a new plan for next year. 

Sooooooo, what's the Christmas plan? For my part, I'm going to try not to let the Grinch get hold of Christmas. First I made a declaration last year not to be in tight spaces with certain extended family. Next, poor as I am, I turned down a Christmas catering contract, electing, instead, to celebrate with my children and grandchildren.

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. 

-Charles Dickens

Instead of writing Santa this year, I've written notes to the Grinch:

• You'll have a hard time finding me in your favorite haunts, Mr. Grinch. No malls, big box stores or parking lots for this gal. There won't be family 'discussions,' either. We will not incorporate causes or conflict into our celebration of Christ's birthday. 
• If you really want to consult with me, I'll be hosting a treat room for patrons of a small pet boutique, Saturdays in December. You won't like it. The shop owners involve themselves in animal rescue, so they are generous and caring. While I am there, I'll take in the fun and color of my neighborhood Winterfest. This may not make you happy, but I'll be delighted.
• Although you're lurking about, Mr. Grinch, I refuse to allow you to shame me into doing the same things I've always done. I've already said no to participating in certain things, and the list is growing, because I'm redefining the word celebrate. Christmas is a feast of music, lights and food. I mean to enjoy them all.
• No, thank you, Mr. Grinch, I'm not running about to attend this, that and the other event. I plan to eat a healthy meal or snack, before I rush off anywhere. (I don't plan to accumulate Christmas baggage, physical or emotional.) I'm rarely tempted to drink more than a glass of wine with a little food, so no holiday hangover or attendant regret is headed my way.
• As we were discussing, Mr. Grinch, fatigue becomes no woman. I don't plan elaborate decorating, crafts and cooking projects for Christmas. Nor is Winter going to hamper my willingness to exercise. Long walks can be a challenge, depending upon Denver's weather, so I'll buy my dog an indoor gym pass at the Zoom Room. Me? I'm starting a yoga class.
• What do I believe this holiday should mean, Mr. Grinch, besides not having you in it? This is a tough question, besides general giving and forgiving. Love is enough.
• It feeds my soul to prepare for a year ahead. It's the time of year to purchase new calendars and great reads. 
• Christmas means volunteering. In my neighborhood, there is a homeless shelter for teenagers, a perfect opportunity and place for sharing with the people who are best at keeping Christmas, Who Children.

Knock yourself out, Mr. G, try and steal that!

Holiday Help for Caregivers

The challenge of caring for one or more family members at home confronts approximately one-third of American adults. If you are one of these family caregivers, you are undoubtedly aware of the resources available in your community, which offer the training and tools to help caregivers succeed. Many are online, as well. Here are a couple of good links.

http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/ http://caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=2224

Huffington Post contributor, Hilary young provides a thoughtful article with tips for holiday survival for caregivers here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/hilary-young/tips-to-ease-holiday-stress-for-caregivers_b_4261379.html We know for certain, it is a stretch to attend to everything and everyone day-to-day, let alone, during holidays. First you may have to change or lower your expectations and those of family members. 

     This may not be the Thanksgiving to gussy up and get dive into a restaurant crowd. This also may not be the year to try turducken or mom’s incredible pumpkin chiffon pie for the first time. Plan and cook ahead, if possible. If you insist upon cooking, America’s Test Kitchen’s recipe for braised turkey is moist and perfectly delicious. Best of all it is easy and the turkey makes its own gravy, as it cooks!

http://www.americastestkitchen.com/recipes/6830-braised-turkey-with-gravy.

     Plain and fancy pre-cooked Thanksgiving meals are available for pickup or delivery. Just do it! Don’t look back. From Sam’s Club or Costco, to Whole Foods, depending upon the budget, you can order an enjoyable, totally stress-free meal. Cooking is my life, but, if there is going to be bread and pie baking it will be done elsewhere this year. Nor will any of us be killing ourselves to make the household spotless. 

     Get out the good china, sterling and crystal, and dress everyone to the nines. Or serve the meal on disposable tableware to a jeans-clad crew. I promise, the latter is perfectly acceptable. We gather to celebrate gratitude, itself, and the people who share food and drink at our tables. Memories of celebrations past may be joyful or sad, but nostalgia doesn't have to be tied to expectation; just be happy now.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. - Melody Beattie

     A critical part of every holiday is self-care, particularly for caregivers. On the Never Do List is neglecting to set aside downtime, whether you spend it alone meditating, or engaging in pampering or entertainment. Be as generous with yourself as possible, and, by all means, enlist help. Once depleted in mind, body or spirit, we cannot serve others effectively.

     I plan to make a wish or blessing jar this year, decorate it, and pass it around the Thanksgiving table with notepaper and a pen. Some of our family will be taking vacation breaks this year. The rest of us are literally and figuratively limping, but we plan to enjoy each other and rare face time ... priceless! 

     Care giving, more often than not, feels thankless. Thank you for the myriad things you do every day, large and small!

Home For The Holidays

The holiday season rolls in like the surf; once the surf is up, we’re on the wave. But, since we’ve visited here time and time again, we’ve stored memories, hopes, traditions ... expectations. Sometimes we forget happiness comes from inside each of us. Joy it is strictly a product of spirit.

Thanksgiving 2013 will be tough for me, personally, and I seem to be limping toward the finish line. For millions of American families, loss of work and/or income will make this holiday season challenging. The good news is, some of the most heartwarming holiday stories have come out of the hardest times. O. Henry's "The Gift of the Magi" is one of my favorites. The "Online Star Register" features it and other classic tales. 

Keep it simple, using this equation:  First, the best gifts are from the hearth and heart. Second, stay away from crowded malls and big box stores. Third, if you find extremely crowded Internet sites and potential purchasing errors, a pain, do a minimum of shopping online, and don’t delay. (I ended up going to a mall at the eleventh hour last year, because an Internet order could not be fulfilled.) Finally, buy local products at local events, and try your hand at homemade decor and gifts.

Sharing the holiday with other people, and feeling that you're giving of yourself, gets you past all the commercialism. - Caroline Kennedy

Not everyone is craft-crazed, but Internet sites, such as Pinterest , feature great ideas for creating decorations and gifts.  Here is a link to Pinterest, and a link to countryliving.com.

https://www.pinterest.com/craftzine/holiday-crafts/

http://www.countryliving.com/crafts/holiday-crafts

Martha Stewart’s site is superb, but I’m assuming people either consider themselves craft wizards, or not. If you are not in the wizard category, start with simple, inexpensive projects. We've all had our crafting disasters. One year, with no chance of buying a Christmas tree, I dragged two very large tumbleweeds inside to strip the debris, then, paint them. This proved beyond messy. Spray paint and glitter came next, also a mess, not to mention, I never did like the finished products. I’ve also really hurt my hands, making Christmas wreaths with wire coat hangers for the bases.

One really fun, easy project to do with children is bread dough Christmas ornaments. There is a tutorial on YouTube, but it is relatively simple, and everybody gets in on the action. Here is a link to the recipe for the dough.

 http://allrecipes.com/recipe/dough-ornament-recipe/

Meanwhile, if you are among the millions of people, who will work up to and during the holidays, be sure to take particular care of yourself.  In the next post, I’ll have ideas for beleaguered working stiffs and the most heroic people of the season, caregivers.

Relinquishment and Renewal

Pi Patel and Tiger Adrift

We relinquish so much, as we age, don't we? Often we relinquish our physicality, and with it, our sense of wellbeing. Buddhism has a great deal to offer concerning the need to relinquish gracefully. One thing my Christian friends and I share is learning to drop the need to control everything and everyone in our lives. As a Navy brat, I moved with my parents constantly. My father would get his orders, and, poof! Suddenly we would adapt to a new coastline, mountains, climate, culture, address, school and work. I would cross my fingers and toes in each new venue that the people, animals and things I'd come to love would not melt away. It was never to be. Nor was goodbye always possible; some years, school would let out for a break, and I'd never return.
     Worst of all, I never was able to say goodbye to my father, before he died, and I became estranged from my mother several years before she died. My father, simply, boarded a train bound for Bethesda Naval Hospital, barely a gray hair on his head, tan, fit and rugged ... never to return alive. My mother had never been a stable woman; she grew less so with the passage of time. My parents were throw-aways, orphan kids no-one wanted, who, miraculously, had found and clung to each other. 

I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye. -Pi Patel

     So much of what I know, I learned from my parents' lives. The two were polar opposites. My father had begun facing down death at a very early age, not just because he was orphaned young, but because he had fought in two wars. He was generous to everyone he met, to my mother's chagrin. He lived completely in the moment, was creative, imaginative and spontaneous. My mother was a hard-working, focused, frugal, woman. She knit or crocheted constantly ... never had her hands or mind on idle. An expert seamstress, Mother could tailor a suit or coat. Before a sewing project launched, however, the house had to be immaculate. She was anything but fanciful. Wherever in the world we lived, my mother would go twice a month to a bank, and deposit savings for my parents' retirement, for a life they would one day enjoy.
     The day came for my father to retire from the Navy. He wanted to hunt and fish, until he dropped dead. My mother's part of the dream was a beautiful home. We came to Colorado, to the Western Slope in the early 1950s. All the retirement savings were stolen by a contractor. Within two years my father was dead of pancreatic cancer. My mother never saw a cent of his retirement pay. She became a workaholic, a civil servant, until she died.
     I've relinquished careers and jobs, spending all my savings, any number of times in my life. Recent history is no exception. It makes life so much more difficult, but it also simplifies everything. Letting go is an art and, often, the wiser choice. It beats the hell out of tooth-grinding stress or resentment. 
     More important leaving and letting go open the portal to change, new directions to explore, new paths to follow. In the end I may have to relinquish my very life. In the meantime, my life and learning have made me a seeker. 
     My best advice, although I hate giving advice and virtually never take it, is not to dwell in the past or the future. Never doubt there are great adventures and riches in store. Here's to what lies ahead, my friends!