Not Because I Am A Conservative

The Junior League Ball

     The oldest argument in the world promulgates the notion that "the poor will always be among us," and the poor, somehow, deserve poverty. It is a singularly American view, one that issues from our protestant roots. As Mother would say, "What did you do to deserve this?" As for the offspring of impoverished people, they inherit a legacy of misery ... an unfortunate, but immutable reality. The argument goes on to characterize the poor as incapable of self-sufficiency, mature judgment and accountability (i.e., they are not adults.) In a post yesterday by a conservative rag, a well-heeled woman pronounces herself fiscally responsible. I'll call her Ms. Right. She should provide, she declares, her own necessities, including contraceptives. It is not because she is a conservative, she proclaims. Rather it is because she is an adult. In other words, vulnerable populations are to be treated as children; however, deserve neither public assistance, nor  empowerment.
     Looking closely at her portrait, Ms. Right is neither very young, nor middle-aged. Ms. Right is a marketable employment commodity (translation: youngish, attractive, presentable, white, skilled, manageable ... in somewhat this order.) She is either married or marriageable. If she is married and a mother, Ms. Right is confident she will always have the means to provide for the kiddies. I can say this stuff, because I am white, educated, from an upper middle class military officer's family. There are one or two differences, however. Ms. Right may or may not have traveled to third world countries, but has certainly never ventured outside her (at least) 4 star hotel compound. She's definitely never soiled her pristine attire in a refugee center or camp. She volunteers alright, but I guarantee she's never touched a crack baby or mopped up after an AIDS patient.

"But then it is easy, too easy, to sermonize about the dangers of paternalism and the need to take responsibility for our own lives, from the comfort of our couch in our safe and sanitary home. Aren't we, those who live in the rich world, the constant beneficiaries of a paternalism now so thoroughly embedded into the system that we hardly notice it?"―Abhijit V. Banerjee, Poor Economics: A Radical Rethinking of the Way to Fight Global Poverty  
 
     Here at home Ms. Right chooses to ignore the suffering of other women and their children, although their plight is right under her nose. She does not see herself exhausted on a daily basis, holding two or three jobs. After all she has made judicious choices, and cannot envision being abandoned by a husband. Ms. right does not anticipate ever paying a hefty mortgage and bills, while feeding hungry children. In her wildest imagination she would never have to run from an abuser or a mentally ill relative, especially not with her little ones in tow. Equally myopic concerning the future, she cannot conceive of retirement without Mr. Right's earnings, living on Social Security benefits. 
     Here's the thing. It would take a lifetime to fill the gaps in Ms. Right's understanding. She may never awaken to her first thought, until it is too late. There is no hatred or judgment in me, especially not for Ms. Right. Hell, I lived next-door to her, belonged to Junior League with her, volunteered to be her charity's publicity chair. We did not chat over the back fence, don't get me wrong. But, we were civil, even, cordial. That is what we were raised to be. 
     Never mind that Mr. Right may suddenly, one day, become bored with marriage, may need to explore his sexuality, although we would have thought he'd already done so. He is equally unlikely, in her mind, to suddenly drop dead, leaving insufficient arrangements for his wife and children. Like Scarlet O'Hara, we shall worry about that another day. In any case, had I remained married and living in the suburbs of Boulder, Colorado, U.S.A., we'd be peers.
     At this point in my life, having been abused, abandoned, displaced, poor and distressed for myself and my children, I see Ms. Right as merely a dupe. Why on earth would Mrs. Right not stay invested in her comfortable life? Why would she not wish to protect her privileged status and that of her peers. Happy life, happy wife, isn't that the expression? 
     All I ask is an end to Ms. Right permitting the use of her image and words, to hold women like herself above women whose realities they cannot begin to grasp. Ah, but, perhaps you will think me childish in this naive quest.