Becoming Annie Oakley

One year, when I was a young girl, my Christmas stocking held a pretty surprise. It was a bar of perfumed soap with the decal of a Victorian beauty on it. This girl was my mother's ideal of the perfect daughter, a thoroughly daunting assignment. Around the same time neighbor caught me in a telling snapshot ... mahogany from sun and surf, limbs as thin as pipe cleaners, a thicket of black hair blowing in all directions, shoeless. It was an accurate depiction. I wore no shoes, took no bath or nap willingly, ate on the run, could not sit still. My mother expressed herself in epithets, from Imp of Satan to Hoyden. She suggested I be returned to the Indians, whose child I must be.  

     My Father, by contrast, grew up motherless and without female siblings. He had no son, so he willingly taught me invaluable life lessons, placing no limitation on what I could achieve. He taught me to ride a horse, fly a plane, sail, navigate by the heavens ... take apart, maintain, load and shoot guns. I can shoot a rifle or hunting bow, clean and skin an elk with the best of 'em. Nonetheless I vehemently disagree with Nevada Assembly Member, Michelle Fiore, who recommends female college students pack guns. Her characterization of college women as "hot little girls," only adds fuel to my fire. Clearly Ms. Fiore has stayed in Las Vegas ... too long. In any event her remarks and her suggestion serve neither men nor women.  

     
    I have taught many high school students, male and female. I have also supervised juvenile offenders in workplaces. I wonder how much the world has changed, in terms of preparing coeds for life in the real world. Few of the young women I taught had more than a brush with formal self-defense training. Absent that exposure wresting a weapon from one of them would pose little challenge to a predator. We cannot all be Annie Oakley. Consider what is required of a sharpshooter: 1) superb eyesight, physical and mental fitness, mature judgment, as well as highly developed self-control. In addition anyone who proposes to carry a loaded gun must be willing to: 1) learn and practice maintaining, loading and shooting the weapon; 2) always secure the weapon; 3) aim and shoot with intent; 4) shoot without hesitation. So, thinking about equal opportunity offenders, how would the Assembly Woman recommend we protect our young men from their gun-toting counterparts? 

     Thank God both the Victorian feminine idol, and Annie Oakley, have faded to historical fantasy. Perhaps I simply do not grasp the romance of Victorian England or the American Frontier. (I am more Annie Oakley than Lady Crowley, I must say.) Like it or not, though, my mother held me to standards of feminine behavior in dress, manner and accomplishment, some of which harkened to Victorian times. I have daughters, whose grandmother occasionally outvoted me. As modern as my aspirations were, however, they did not include preparing the girls to pack heat. Of course some young women choose careers in the military or police. Whatever their choices in education and careers, we hope against hope our daughters' life experiences do not make them either femmes fatales, nor ruthless gang members.

Your genetics load the gun. Your lifestyle pulls the trigger. -Mehmet Oz

     What is our last, best hope for ensuring the safety of our college women and men? I believe school safety at any level is latent in the doctrine of in loco parentis. From Common Law to modern school policy, the doctrine has been misunderstood and perverted, and needs to evolve. The original intention was to give educators custody of students. While in school, students cannot avail themselves of the protection of parents or guardians, thus schools become accountable for student safety. The courts never intended school authorities to fully act as parents. Personally I do not believe the courts intended teachers to arm themselves with loaded guns, either.

    A more accurate view is of the school as an extension of the state, rather than as a substitute parent. I read with great interest the findings of the Sandy Hook Advisory Commission. The findings speak to the education system, including institutions of higher learning:

http://www.governor.ct.gov/malloy/lib/malloy/SHAC_Doc_2015.02.13_draft_version_of_final_report.pdf

The following is a link to the "Boston Globe" coverage of the security measures recommended in the Final Report of the Commission: 

http://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/editorials/2015/02/21/adopt-security-ideas-sandy-hook-report/yiGCGPYHPMo72TIPq5USbN/story.html

What I know for certain is, unless people stop demanding change, public policy regarding guns and the Constitution must evolve. If only our attitudes toward both genders would evolve at a pace greater than that of glacial creep, they could obviate the need for part of the dialog concerning guns on campus. 

Godsend

Long ago, accompanied by my daughters, I needed to purchase some makeup basics. The girls hovered between cosmetic counters like honey bees in a Spring garden. Their enthusiasm was as boundless as their energy, and the department staff loved it! Soon salespeople were offering the girls samples of wondrous products. I finished making my small purchases, and we headed toward the parking lot. My daughter, Merritt, whispered, "Mom, samples are from God!" I said, "I know, dear." She is now the manager of a cosmetic line and is generous in spirit with everyone she encounters. Her younger sister creates wondrous miniature worlds in music boxes and bottle gardens. An artist and designer, she shares her creations within and outside of her personal world.

What is a godsend for you? For me it is the generosity of one or another of my children or face time with family. Even the remotest odds of a godsend inspire some people to purchase lottery tickets. For the time we carry a ticket in a pocket or wallet, we hope against hope. We hold possibility in thrall. The ATM could go amok, spitting $20 bills at my feet. I may get the all-clear from my Oncologist. The first ladybug of Spring may land on me. As refreshing as serendipitous events can be, however, a godsend can take the form of the every day. Take nothing, not even something as tiny as a lipstick sample, for granted! Let's face it we need to impose a balance between begrudging reality and a bountiful world. Each of us can tip the scales by creating this balance.

But friendship is precious, not only in the shade but in the sunshine of life; & thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things, the greater part of life is sunshine. I will recur for proof to the days we have lately passed. On these indeed the sun shone brightly. -Thomas Jefferson, Letters of Thomas Jefferson

Practical tools can be powerful allies, as we strive to create a kinder, more balanced world. Lost arts such as scrapbooking, journaling, and letter writing are worth acquiring. Each is simple and so worth the investment of time. I regularly succumb to the temptation of zapping a text or e-mail, rather than take the time to really communicate. The world moves at light speed, and it is so much easier to move with it. Here's the thing. We create urgency way too much of the time. We have the power to reshuffle our priorities for the better.

I've written prior posts about letter writing. Specifically writing love letters has great power to heal the world. Here is a link to The More Love Letters, the story of how one young woman decided to change the world:

https://moreloveletters.squarespace.com/the-story/

Maybe you will be inspired to join the love letter movement by regularly contributing. Or perhaps you will start small by writing your thoughts, the contents of your heart. I can barely wait!

The point is, in large and small ways, get personal. A telephone call is better than a text. A written thank you is personal. An hour at tea is personal. A journal or scrapbook is personal and can be legacy. It is these niceties that uplift people ... ourselves and others. By all means, do the half-hour of meditation or workout (better yet, both) between scrambling from one place to another. Breathe. We all need to breathe. Then take time out of the rat maze. Get excited about the trip to the mailbox ... yours or someone else's. Scribble a heart-shaped love note, and slip it into the bag with the sandwich. You get the point. Make someone's day with a simple, personal gesture.

We can be so much more than the delighted recipients of godsends. We can gratefully acknowledge the godsends in our own lives. We can create them for others. A godsend is designed to always return to sender.

A Unique Perspective

Perspective

We all arrive at this destination, sooner or later. One morning the face in the mirror looks back, and we see an ancestor of the near or distant past staring back. A few years ago, my mirror gave me a jolt. "My God," I thought, "I look like Mother!" A half hour and two cups of coffee later, I got a grip. Just to be on the safe side, I donned a necklace of Navajo ghost beads. Made of dried juniper berries and trade beads, a ghost necklace, according to belief, keeps both dead and undead at bay. No need to worry if you lack ghost beads; you are, nevertheless, your unique self. Beyond self-acceptance is celebrating who you are and who you will be.

Is anything more dangerous or empowering than discovering and asserting our true selves? It opens the way to critical thought and creative authenticity. Make no mistake, however, it is uncomfortable, not to say, perilous to become more comfortable with changing the status quo than with maintaining it.  

Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the danger of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity.
~Thomas J. Watson

Nor is change the exclusive purvey of the young! Elders can enter the dialogue. In fact we can and should lead, because we possess the wisdom of life experience and perspective unique to age. We cannot be silent in the face of stereotypes and the marginalization of elder Americans. To do so can only contribute to incremental poverty and decay. 

There is much work to be done to ensure a better world for elders and one we are proud to bequeath to younger generations. Step out of your comfort zone and be in the game!