I Am Not My Disability

Adult ADHD

We talk a great deal about empowering one another, particularly in the fields of health and education. If it is to be more than lip service, empowerment requires focused personal growth. We often talk about empowerment in the same way we talk about the celebration of ethnic diversity. 
     In fact, more often than not, we tolerate or overlook differences. Even though we use the term differently-abled, we're overlooking the differences, not celebrating the small steps and accomplishments.
     To maintain a close, personal relationship with a friend or family member with a disability is another matter. Honoring the whole person, disability and all, is a balancing act. Lacking insight, we try to have reasonable expectations, but we often err. There is no way to know how an injury, illness or disability challenges someone we love; there is far too much to know. Not everyone responds the same way to the same set of conditions. It must be extremely frustrating for a physician to learn by error, revising a treatment plan, hoping something will work. 
     Dog trainers admonish clients not to lose patience, if a dog disobeys, or learns slowly. The first thing is to observe whether the animal is in pain, sick or injured. Equally important, make no further demand. In other words, drop it! The effort will achieve nothing; in fact, it will be counter-productive. Any trainer will tell you dogs have bad days and good. Exercise patience and try alternate approaches. Cesar Milan sums it up perfectly. A calm, assertive manner and the calm assertiveness of peers are the most powerful training tools at an owner's command.
     If only we could teach people to relate to other people the same way! It would alleviate hasty, unfair, judgments. It would demand we look for insight first, then, express expectations in a calm, assertive manner. We could drop the subject. We would be accountable for how we conduct our side of the relationship, and it would encourage fresh starts.

Confidence and empowerment are cousins in my opinion. Empowerment comes from within and typically it's stemmed and fostered by self-assurance. To feel empowered is to feel free and that's when people do their best work. You can't fake confidence or empowerment. -Amy Jo Martin

     Here's another thought: so many disabilities, injuries and illnesses are invisible. Add to this, we tend to ignore the disabilities of high-functioning people. We do so by failing to perceive the person as more than his or her achievements and capabilities. We just don't see people who overcome challenges as having climbed 14,000 foot peaks to get where they are. 
     When a neighbor revealed his disability to me, I realized I'd had no grasp of his disability or his private, daily struggle. An acquaintance, who works in a health profession said, when she looked at an injured or ill patient, she envisioned the patient healed. I was grateful she did not use the word whole, because everyone is whole by definition. 

Besides asking more and better questions, we can rethink our reactions and recognize the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.