Sex Talk

With so many Baby Boomers single again, do you wonder how (or whether) we should approach dating and marriage? I am, personally, neither elderly nor a female boomer. My elder daughter is too young to be a Boomer, but, in her fifties, she is an extraordinary woman, a ferocious, hard-working single mother. My daughter has raised a handsome, gifted, loyal man without support. So, when she met a nice man recently, I thought, "What a joy. She will have a little light-hearted company." Her newfound friend, however, made classic errors. He rushed her into romance. He began to demand her full attention. He insisted she would learn to change, and accommodate his lifestyle. Three proved to be the charm. She wished him the best, while wishing him gone.

I am profoundly relieved by my daughter's astute reaction. Dating and marriage are distinctly tempting at any age. However, divorce and domestic violence are on the rise among Baby Boomers. Later in life domestic violence is closely related to other potential elder abuse, and the question is one of cooperation among entities that address domestic and elder abuse. In any event, thinking about the potential for things to go right in a relationship goes hand-in-glove with considering the chances things will go amiss.
http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/Resources/Publication/docs/nceaissuebrief.agingnetworkguideDV.pdf

“Impertinent submissive,” Raoul snapped, and his dark brown eyes turned mean. “Nothing new for this one. You're doing a lousy job of bringing her to heel, Marcus.”
“Bring me to heel? Like I'm a dog?” Without thinking, Gabi instinctively yanked away and snapped out, “Bite me.” --Cherise Sinclair, Make Me, Sir

Let me be clear. Sexually transmitted disease is also a significant, growing, issue among people who should know better than to have multiple partners or unprotected sex. Absent the fear of pregnancy, however, many older Americans have multiple partners, and are ignoring the dangers. Have we forgotten about HIV/AIDS and treatment-resistant strains of Syphilis and Gonorrhea? Or, do we choose to believe these are unlikely outcomes among people ostensibly sadder and wiser? Boy, do I have news: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/19/opinion/sunday/emanuel-sex-and-the-single-senior.html?_r=0

Spring is here, my dear, so be smart. Most boomers are too smart to participate in the club scene, unless I'm mistaken. If not, it goes without saying; remember the harsh lessons of youth. Do not think about online dating or personal ads. Take your time; meet people in correct contexts, and know who people are. Be extremely cautious about social media. Never trade personal information from the get go ... no exchanging personal addresses. Agree to a luncheon, a cup of coffee. Meet at a public event, by all means, but meet there. See a person long enough to become actual, not virtual, friends, before dating. Once you are dating, take a long think, before taking steps toward combining your life with a partner's life, whether or not this means rushing toward the altar. There is absolutely no such thing as Internet privacy. Everything you post or write online (including your personal e-mails) is public information. We don't have to talk about sexting, I'm reasonably confident, but anything at all you don't want public, do not share in the name of love and romance.

Date for months, not days, before being intimate. Have "the talk" about sexual histories and protection, beforehand. You knew all this as a dating greenhorn, so how come you don't know it now? If you are a woman who finds it awkward to carry, offer and apply condoms get over it! Broach the subjects of sexual history and protection without hemming and hawing. It is a brave new world, ladies and gentlemen. Nobody will care for us, if we do not care for ourselves.

Shared responsibility is a good thing. Individual Responsibility is everything.