PNG

Life Isolated

Perhaps, like me, you have been termed a PNG in one context or another. No matter your station in life, nor how stable an individual you are, the persona non grata declaration, official or not, delivers a burden of guilt. At least the people or person doing the shunning hope so. In diplomacy, the idea is to officially let you and the world know you are unwelcome. You are not alone, if you've been publicly declared a PNG. Yes, there is a list, and, from the look of it, once on the list, always on the list.

     The international diplomatic list is lengthy; some of the PNGs have done or are alleged to have done pretty nasty stuff. Others .... well, you be the Judge. The entire list can be found on Wikipedia. A couple of modern examples from the government of the Philippines caught my eye, because I was born near Manila, at the United States Naval Hospital, Cavite.

• 1998 - Actress Caire Danes was In the Philippine Islands for the shooting of the film, Brokedown Palace. In an interview with Vogue Magazine, Danes is said to have referred to Manila as a "ghastly and weird city." I thank Ms. Danes for her truthfulness. However the Philippine Repubic declared her a you-know-what.

• 2009 - Alec Baldwin appeared on the Late Show with host, David Letterman. In a joking manner Baldwin referred to Filipino and Russian "mail-order brides," or the availability thereof. He was not merely declared a persona non grata by the Philippine Government. According to the Wikipedia listing, threats were made against both Baldwin and his wife, should they ever to return to the islands. Whether Baldwin is Mr. Nice or not, a prominent Filipino, a senator and actor, himself, engaged in criminal threats.

     Anyone who has lived long in the context of family or friends has felt the weight of being unwelcome. The only child of two orphans, I was a lonely kid, always the new kid in the country, on the block, in school. I have consistently blundered my way through Family Relations 101, having earned black sheep status in my mother's eyes at an early age. I'd like to say she took me back into her good graces, as she was my sole living relative. By the time she died, however, we had been estranged for 6 years. As a final gesture the woman appointed my former husband the Executor of her estate, willing me $1. It was her last ditch effort to drag me to a mirror by my ear, forcing me to look at myself. It is reasonable to conclude I am not always the easygoing charmer you know and love.

     Do your family members or friends shun people? Does your church or school engage in shunning of one sort or another? If you are the person looking in from the outside, it is okay, my friend, this has been going on since biblical times. It doesn't make you, in sheep terms, baaaaaaaad. It is, at worst, a reflection on those who isolate you. At best it is an opportunity for introspection and growth. Self-imposed isolation is another thing altogether. Habitually retreating can become unhealthy; long-term, it is unproductive. 

Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're not like aches or wounds; they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Why be a dumb dud? Do your friends shun you? Do people cross the street when they see you approaching? Do they run up the steps of strange houses, pretend they live there and force their way into the hall while you are passing by? If this is the sort of person you are, you must avail yourself today of this new service. Otherwise, you might as well be dead. ~Flan O'Brien, The Best of Myles

     The saddest thing in American culture is our proclivity for rejecting and isolating others. We legitimately find the harsh aspects of disability, poverty and aging difficult to confront. I get it, but more than this, America worships youth. We prefer the cosmetic banishment of all reality we deem unattractive, rather than confront life face-to-face. Or we'll do anything to delay by declaring, "I can't deal!" 
     As far as elderly people are concerned, unquestionably, we may become impatient or downright temperamental. Some are poor, in pain, or both. A long life, any elder will tell you, accumulates bitter disappointment and unbearable loss. Age prejudice can make of anyone something of a curmudgeon, trust us. This is not to say certain health conditions require professional interventions and care. Just know it is wrong to leave them suffering and dying alone. 
      Then there are lively, lovely people we leave behind, simply due to extremely busy schedules or life's ongoing pressures. Here are some suggestions for elders and their loved ones:
http://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/9-2-14-reduce-senior-isolation/
Isolation, my friends, is the special bane of our golden years. It is absolutely a killer ... it kills the spirit, then, stealthily attacks mind and body.