Whole and Present

     Maybe, like my family, yours needs healing for the holidays, more than anything else. We can bring about change, as difficult or painful as it seems. Family time need not be just a time to "deal" with relatives. My family is contentious, like so many. It seems, we so often reflect how we deal with the world in how we manage our family relations. With family, however, bad behavior may be heightened by bad manners. Hurts tend to be deeper and the anger we suppress in the interests of "getting along," festers. So it came to pass this year, some family members were "avoiding" each other, unwilling to attend our annual Thanksgiving celebration. Without judgment, here is my plea.

     "Of all of us, I'm the least likely to stay silent on any topic. I hope you will indulge me this time, as I feel I must speak my peace. May it be authentic and from my heart. Here are a few things I find remarkable. Seated around our holiday tables of the past, present and, future are unique reservoirs of education and intelligence, not to mention qualities such as civility. As a group we possess an astonishingly large reservoir of creative talent, as well. Why, then, would we settle for divisiveness and dysfunction?

     My plea is for everyone to come to the Thanksgiving table in gratitude for life, love, sustenance, beauty and the freedom to enjoy them. For a moment I lost track of my great friend, Adil, in the bloody chaos of the terrorist attacks of Paris. After a terrible night I did find him. He had gone to bed early, after a long day. He has a booth in Montmartre. From it he sells his paintings of Paris and Heidelberg to passersby and tourists. He shares his space and swaps stories with other artisans and merchants there. Drifting off to sleep, Adil was awakened by the sound of an explosion, followed by others. Adil knows (knew) some of the cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo. He was very much affected by the attacks on Charlie Hebdo and the killings in the Jewish hypermarket January 7, 2015. Now he struggles through the aftermath of a fresh nightmare. We cannot know what tomorrow will bring. Let us live in the moment, whole and present.

     Gene and Rosann have made us all welcome to their lovely home and table.  Maybe we could each choose to make the McCullough home and table a safe place for each and every person who comes to Thanksgiving. In the interests of convocation we can choose not to say one word of past hurts, bitterness or anger to anyone. We can choose to love unconditionally for a few hours. To do so, I believe, is the essence of gratitude. It can also be a starting point for a spirit of true reconciliation to take hold. Reconciliation is not forgiveness, nor does it forget. Rather, It is an exercise in relinquishment. It does not deny wrongs on either side. Rather it takes no side. It calls a halt to animosity, to begin. Then it calls us to seek healing and reconstruction, not restitution.

     I'll gladly start. I relinquish hurts of the past absolutely. I am grateful to have met and known Gene. I am grateful to have been his wife and the mother of his children. I am grateful to Rosann for loving Merritt, Margaret, Colin, Ryan, Cole and Aidan as more than a stepmother, as a mother. My gratitude for my children and grandchildren is boundless. You are all remarkably intelligent, talented and generous. To my grandsons, I find you to be, each in his own right, handsome, bright and wholehearted. More important each person around our Thanksgiving table is the owner of a lion's heart. Contentious we may be, but the world finds us independently courageous and generous to a fault. Be this to each other.

“Kintsugi is a pottery technique. When something breaks, like a vase, they glue it back together with melted gold. Instead of making the cracks invisible, they make them beautiful. To celebrate the history of the object. What it's been through. And I was just... Thinking of us like that. My heart full of gold veins, instead of cracks.” ― Leah Rader, Cam Girl

     
     This year, alone, some family members have striven to return to school and work. People have moved, built and rebuilt homes. Some have chosen to make enormous changes and strides in careers. Others have overcome terrible injury and illness. We have managed our pain, collectively and individually. We have done so with courage and integrity. At the end of 2015 and into next year, let's heal hearts. None of us can judge the others. None of us is better than any other. None of us struggles harder. We are a company of excellent people, each of whom has come a long way. Respect everyone, criticize no-one. Mohandas Gandhi said, “Hatred is not the enemy; the enemy is fear.”
     I hope everyone will come to family Thanksgiving in the spirit, as well as in the flesh. If not I have no expectation. Rather I will count you there in my dreams. Meanwhile this is no time for shame and blame. We have a common goal, but everything has its time, and each of us holds the key to the clock. It would do my heart good to see us together again. The family bread baker, I am casting my bread upon the waters."