Twelve Days ... Phew!

The neighbors began to decorate for Christmas. Harriet got out her gun.


Here's an updated version of The Twelve Days of Christmas, age appropriate. I'll start with the final verse, for the sake of brevity, as is appropriate for those with ADD ... or the senior singalong.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Twelve Zanacs Numbing,
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Eleven kiddies griping,
On the Tenth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Ten nodes a' seeping,
On the Ninth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Nine brokers romancing,
On the Eighth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Eight charities milking,
On the Seventh Day of Christmas,
My True Love Gave to me,
Seven aches beginning,
On the Sixth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Six pundits braying,
On the Fifth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Five hemorrhoid cremes,
On the Fourth Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Four unkind words,
On the Third Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Three EpiPens,
On the Second Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
Two latex gloves,
On the First Day of Christmas,
My True Love gave to me,
One Ace Bandage for my knee

-Sounds better, if you sing it. By now, you're laughing or crying. We'll get through it all, I promise!