In Death As In Life

Mortality whispers to us from dark corners. Two women, friends of mine, brought me a windfall of business clothing recently, some of it wonderful and current. All the clothes belonged to another friend, who died tragically of an inoperable brain tumor. Inheriting anything is a unique experience for me. For nearly all my adult life, I have earned good money; work was rarely in short supply. Family was always in short supply. So it was a bit discomfiting to think about the source of my good fortune, and the fate waiting in the shadows. 

It did not help to find a little scrap of paper in a navy blue blazer; the scrap was a reminder to my unwitting benefactor from herself. It said, simply, "Remember appointment for MRI." One of my daughters recently witnessed the end of a much younger woman than I, and the message came as a roar. Her close friend suffered a massive stroke, after giving birth to twin babies.

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things. -Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

What can we do, have we done, about the whisper and roar, the certainty of death? What is a good death, not to most people, but to you? Next who is entitled to expectations surrounding your death and its aftermath? These are questions much more worthy of consideration than having your financial health and final wishes in order. The latter are important, absolutely, but they so often take precedence over the larger questions. Have a living will, a living trust, powers of attorney; these are no less important for someone in financial need than for someone with less limited resources. On the contrary. Figure out, however, how you really feel about the end game. 

People with money will be able to pay for expert advice regarding the money, not to say money protects anyone from blunders. On the contrary, when the money takes precedence, many blunders ensue, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. It is critical to trust the experts and the advice, but equally critical to consider your personal legacy. Money can be a powerful insulator, a weapon or an instrument of good. It can bring enmity to a conclusion, or further judgment, anger and vengeance. I leave you with this thought. An inheritance can be bitter fruit indeed.