Drama Queen

Medea

     This post is not directed at you, dear reader, nor is it all self-revelation. We have a standing joke, one daughter and I. Pressures build, and one of us or the other invokes Dr. Phil McGraw. It's a combination of screech and whine, "Dawktter Pheeeuhll! Heyulp meeee!" It provides much-needed comic relief. It is also an anguished question. "How the heyull did ah git here?" A bridal consultant, my daughter is buffeted by drama in her workplace. Not long ago, home became the center of drama in my life. I fled a retirement community, and will never return to so-called senior housing. The realities of abandonment, illness, poverty and death were condensed and oppressive there. 

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages. 

William Shakespeare, As You Like It

     This is only part of a monologue from As You Like It. The complete monologue won't leave 'em laughing. Enter the Drama Queen. Shakespeare had one thing right, male or female, we humans play into the dramatic aspects of our own and those of others. What is the drama cycle, anyway? No doubt the people and events around us turn dramatic, so the question becomes, how to respond. 

     The Drama Triangle of persecutor, rescuer and victim plays out everyday in news coverage, on the stage of international affairs and, all too often, at home. The psychologist who first described the triangle, Stephen Karpman, did so in a 1968 article concerning fairy tales and script drama analysis. Simply put, drama requires characters who take on certain roles: 1) one actor plays the role of victim; 2) another actor attacks (bullies, intimidates, persecutes, the victim in one way or another; 3) an third actor steps in, to rescue the victim. Anyone who has studied Grimm's Fair Tales knows nothing is simple, not even in a work of children's fiction.  

     This isn't about people who target others, although they are plentiful; it is about ourselves and what we can control. Take a long, ruthless, look at yourself. Are you a victim, someone who blames others for adverse or negative experiences, circumstances or outcomes? It is so much easier to place blame than to acknowledge wrongdoing without blaming ourselves or others. It is tough to take responsibility for our own actions, the roles we play in events. To move forward means to do your own work. Seeking compassionate remedies and achieving them. Learning and teaching from experiences, growing to be proactive for ourselves and others. It is life's marathon, run uphill, barefoot and, sometimes, on broken, bloody feet ... never as appealing as opera. 

     If you are a chronic rescuer, consider what the rescue role takes from you, whether there is a material or emotional toll. More important think about what rescuers deny people they perceive as victims. First an habitual rescuer must agree that, yes, life is full of victims. Simply put, by constantly rescuing a family member, for example, we disable him or her. The victim cannot grow, learn or become accountable and proactive. A serial rescuer, then, furthers the victim cycle ... something to consider. All of us would like to fix others, fix the world, but there is a balance to achieve in running interference.   
     I'd be the last person to deny or suppress genuine emotion. Personally, though, I'd like to avoid dramatic undertow, and enable personal growth.